California Gurls (Flourish & Blotts)

[Rika Gundersen]

Rika did her best to ignore the snotty looks the strange man's female companion kept throwing at her. She couldn't understand how she was to blame for the whole situation. But she just didn't have time to deal with her at that moment. She needed to get the pair out of the store with the minimum damage possible. Rika decided this would probably leave the place in flames...

"NO!" Rika shouted. Tears were beginning to well in her eyes. She did her best to ignore these as well. Her frustration was justified, seeing as the man was intent on destroying the entire store. Who would want to buy a book once it had been in someone's mouth? No one, that's who. "You can take the one you licked, if you just leave." She was pleading, but at the point, she simply didn't care. She just wanted the Frenchman and his bitter companion to leave. Actually, she felt like hexing the pair of them, but that wasn't a viable option. She had to be a professional. Or at least as professional as she could be while grovelling.

[Keagan Ilyeana]

Oh Merlin, oh no, the blonde shopkeep was going to cry. Keagan looked almost panicky, like a deer caught in the headlights. If there was one thing she was terrible with, it was tears. Ironic considering that she had her moments of bawling hysterically in front of her close friends or her boss, but the brunette was no good at comforting people. She didn't know what to say or what to do with other people start bursting into tears. The witch decided that she desperately needed to hightail her way out of the store before the woman started raging a tsunami on all of them.

"Accio bag," she hastily jabbed her wand at her costume bag so that it flew neatly into her outstretched hand. Stealing another glance at the woman, Key quickly brandished her wand at Félix, "Petrificus Totalus!"

[ Click for OOC Comment ]

Blame translation, Dam. You know how hard is it to portray a character speaking two languages in one single sentence? XD

[Félix Villedieu]

[ Click for OOC Comment ]

Oh no, it was alright. Just the most hilarious thing I've read in a while.

Félix grinned eerily when he was offered the book, and glanced down over at the wet book that lay on the floor. The title read The Encyclopedia of Furry Animals from Eb to Iq. Oh, nothing particularly interesting. Immediately his expression grew bored. She wasn't going to sell him a loyalty card with that kind of deal, oh no.

'Ew, non,' he replied. 'I would take... zhat one,' he said, grabbing yet another book from the shelf, although on a higher tablet. For a moment he glanced at its title: Lorcan D'Eath: From bloodsucker to heartthrob. Already Félix was holding it to himself.

Dramatically he ducked when Key cursed him. He threw himself on the floor, and banged his fist on the ground a few times.

« Vilain crapaud! Vilain crapaud! »

How dare she try to curse him!

[Rika Gundersen]

The situation was devolving right before her very eyes, and Rika had no idea how to handle it. Why was this happening when she just so happened to be alone in the shop? Things like this never happened when anyone else was there. At least not that she knew of. But now, after taking another book, one she was quite certain was some ridiculous vampire autobiography, the crazy man was on the ground. How was she supposed to get him out now?

"I'll let you have that one for free if you just get off the floor," she offered, the panic in her voice inescapable at this point. She was anxious for the pair to leave. It appeared the girl wanted to, but the strange man was holding things up. Several tears managed to leak from the corners of Rika's eyes. Embarrassed, she brushed them away. "Please get up. Please!" Her voice sounded shrill, even to her ears. This was not good.

[Keagan Ilyeana]

Oh Merlin, oh no, the woman was crying now. Key almost wanted to hug her head in agony. She hated it when people started bawling around her, she never knew what to say. Instead she clamped her hands over her ears at Félix's high-pitched screeches. Between that and the shopkeep's pleas, it was beginning to brink on deafening.

"All right, all right! Everyone shut the sod up!" she screamed at the top of her voice in order to effectively - hopefully - snare their attention. She then followed up by taking a step closer to her insane mentor, nudging him with the toe of her foot, "Get up, Fil, I'll do anything you want me to if you'll just get the hell up right now."

[Félix Villedieu]

Félix got up immediately as he was offered the book. He jumped around, pressing it to his bony chest, and squealed. Loudly. Extremely high-pitched. It was then that he saw the employee crying.

'Can I lick your tears?' The stick of a man asked, extending his long tongue out towards the girl, as long as it could go.

Just as he was about to do it, without waiting for the girl's approval, Key started to yell. Wow, way to blow a gasket. Why yell when everything was so peaceful?

'I tink you need yoga classes. You seem stressed out,' Fil commented, grinning like the devil of a man that he was.

Now that he was up, though, he had an advantage over Key. Heehee, he'd use that card wisely.

'I'm not sure what I'll 'ave you do for me, slave,' he explained. 'But do know zhat you are un très vilain crapaud!'

[Rika Gundersen]

As if things couldn't get any stranger, now the man wanted to lick her tears? Rika watched in horror as the man's tongue extended toward her eyes. She backed away quickly, "What?! EW! NO!" There was only so much space in the stacks, and her back collided painfully with a bookshelf. There was no where else to go.

And then the angry woman in the bright colors started to yell. Well, that was uncalled for. A little. Actually, it was exactly what the situation called for. Especially now that the man didn't seem to want to lick her face. If Rika didn't have such a negative impression of the woman, she would have thanked her. But as it was, all she wanted to do was run away.

Which is what she did. She retreated slowly from the two strangers, her eyes never leaving the tall skinny one. She was a bit more nervous about him now that he'd wanted to lick her face. She said nothing, just moved slowly backward.

[Keagan Ilyeana]

"Oui, oui, un vilain crapaud it is," Keagan waved a hand dismissively, rolling her eyes in a rather dramatic fashion at her mentor. She barely even spared the blonde-haired storekeeper a single glance as she then held out one of the shopping bags in her hand towards Félix, "Now, can we go, or do you want to dawdle around until the offer expires? There is an expiry date, y'know."

Nothing like putting Fil in line every once in a while, or at least trying to. Merlin knew, the French wizard was unstoppable.

[Félix Villedieu]

Félix looked disappointedly at the young woman who had boldly refused his sympathetic licking proposal. He looked positively downhearted, but inside he was working on a way to convince her otherwise. That was until Key admitted to being the evil little toad that she was. The man's face instantly lit up, and he grinned, more manically than ever, if it were possible.

His eyes widened when she offered him a hand, and mentioned she might not be his slave forever. Noooooo! How else would he conquer the world? Well, she'd offered the bag, but no sooner had he thrown his new book inside it that he wanted her hand, too.

'You stay mine!' Fil squeaked, grasping her hand and tugging at it as though he hoped it would come off. That would be hilarious. He turned towards the bookstore employee, sticking his oddly long and skinny tongue out. 'She will never love you like she loves me!' That would cause the employee lots of sadness, of course.

[Rika Gundersen]

Things seemed to be looking up. At least it seemed that she was no longer part of the equation, and for that Rika was extremely glad. She simply continued to back away from the odd pair, watching them closely to make sure no further damage would be done to her beautiful store.

She was certain she was going to make a clean break, when all of a sudden, the strange man stuck out his tongue at her and said something about the other woman never loving her as much as she loved him. A look of complete confusion washed its way over Rika's face. "Why would she? She doesn't even know me," she said, wishing not even a millisecond later that she'd just kept her mouth shut and continued her slow retreat down the aisle. darn! She was never going to make a clean break of it.

Rika couldn't help but think that this was some sort of cosmic punishment for past wrongs.

[Keagan Ilyeana]

Ilyeana hardly seemed to mind as Félix snatched up her hand and started tugging on it, though she did give a delicate snort from her nose at his declaration. She did glance towards the shopkeep for a moment at the retort, giving a genuinely amused scoff, "Doesn't matter if I know you or not, palone. You scream too bloody much, I'll have you know." Yes, this coming from the brunette who just nearly shattered all existing glass in the store with her high-pitched screech a mere minute or two ago.

With that, the dark-haired witch turned back to Félix, reaching out her free hand to grab him by the bony wrist of the hand that was clutching hers, "Eugh, can we go now? Your ownership has an expiry date, remember?"

[Félix Villedieu]

Félix clearly enjoyed making shy clerks terrified. It was deeply amusing, he didn't think he could picture life without it. Shy clerks existed for the sole purpose of being traumatized, and he thought he was a saint as he fulfilled this important mission.

For all purposes he was deaf and blind to the exchange that took place before him, contemplating instead a little ball of dust that had been caught in a draft and seemed intent on wandering its way into the depths of the store. He snapped out of it when Key reminded him she was his slave. Oh, goodie.

'You're mine foreeeeeeeeeeeveeeeer,' he chanted, voice not quite unlike saws on a blackboard. Interesting quality. He turned back towards the clerk as he set his pace towards the door.

'Well... ta ta, then.'

[Rika Gundersen]

Rika could barely contain her relief as she watched the pair leave. "Good-bye," she said in response to the odd Frenchman. To a normal customer who had not just traumatized her, she would have normally added 'Come again'. But this man would not be a welcome addition to the customer base. She couldn't say. She refused. Instead, she stared at him as he walked toward the door. She hoped he didn't view it as some sort of challenge. She wasn't sure she would be able to handle much more of the pair. Particularly the combination of crazy antics and screaming.

No. She shifted her glance away, and slowly made her way back toward the register.

[Keagan Ilyeana]

Not even sparing the store clerk a glance - well, she did have a limited attention span for most part - Keagan proceeded to drag Félix off, the strange pair melting into the crowds with Key's twittering voice trailing in their wake, "Excuzes moi, 'forever' ain't got no expiry date and I clearly said something about an expiry date..."