Let's Be Real [July 1995]

[Holden Cartwright]

After sleeping off the jet lag for 12 hours straight, Holden was finally up and about once again around his house, his mind still stuck in Europe. Even though the Cartwright family had last been in London less than two days ago, he was already reminiscing about the eventful few weeks. Traveling to Italy, hanging around Diagon Alley, hooking up with random English witches and wizards... All in all, good times had been had, and it was almost a little disappointing being back in the dull muggle world of Denver, Colorado. Everything, unfortunately, was back to normal.

Well, not quite. There was an addition to the Cartwright family, if only temporarily. Holden's best friend Garth was staying with them for the summer, and Holden couldn't have been happier. Sure, sometimes the Italian boy made Holden a little nervous, if only because Holden was forced to hide certain aspects of his personality from Garth, but then again, just being around his family made Holden a little nervous. Things at home would always be uncomfortable.

But for now, standing in the kitchen in the middle of the day, eating ice cream and coffee as a breakfast-lunch-snack type of meal, Holden felt perfectly at ease. Everything was content for the time being, and it was with a wide grin that he greeted Garth as the boy entered the kitchen.

[Garth Corleone]

Garth scratched his chest as he entered the kitchen, dressed only in his boxers, which he picked at from behind. Italian though he might be, he didn't have much chic. It was a euphemism to say that Garth Corleone had taken his ease in the Cartwright household.

In fact, it was more like he was an extra limb to the family of four. Not really all that useful, but a welcome graft nonetheless. Or some analogy of the sort, Garth was bad with ideas. Those were for stupid nerds.

So it was with this small amount of clothes on that he entered the kitchen, yawning a hello to Howie. They hadn't yet reached that familiarity where Garth would greet him with a fart, like he did with his brother Michael Enzo, but that was alright.

Not bothered by manners, the Italian boy opened the fridge, and pretty much tanked the milk carton, before putting in back in, and going to sit down, where he yawned again.

[Holden Cartwright]

Holden raised his eyebrows at Garth's attire, or lack thereof, but made no comment, mostly because it wasn't too unusual of a sight in the Cartwright household. Although Holden happened to have a shirt on at the moment, walking around half-dressed was definitely not something he was opposed to, even if his dad was prone to making comments about how he needed to work out more, as if Holden didn't do enough of that already.

But Garth, on the other hand, didn't really have that problem. For only having lived with the Cartwrights for less than two months, he had been integrated into the family with ease. Holden's father loved Garth, maybe even more than he liked his own son most of the time, and his mom, well, she mothered him just like she did with everybody. Even Nora was comfortable with her brother's best friend.

"Good morning to you too," Holden said around a spoonful of pistachio ice cream, jumping up to sit on the counter just as Garth was taking a seat.

"You know, I kinda miss Europe already," he tossed out a bit randomly, his mind still stuck in London.

[Garth Corleone]

Garth was a hot Italian stud, why wouldn't he want to show it off to the world? The Corleones had done a good job raising their children to be self-confident. Garth never doubted himself, not for a second in a day. He rather did enjoy the Cartwright family. They had a small family dynamic going on, which was a change from Garth's ten sibling household, but that was good too. And Howie's parents liked him, it seemed, giving him the attention he needed and wanted. It was a refreshing change from all of his siblings and both his parents refusing to talk to him, that was for sure.

Garth eyed the ice cream Howie was having, but decided not to take any. It wasn't Italian enough. In fact, the one thing that was lacking here was Italian-ness. Italian spirit, Italian food... So he went back to the fridge, and downed the entire milk carton, putting the empty container back in the fridge when he was done. This was awful manners, but he'd been raised that it wasn't that bad.

'I miss the chicks in Rome the most,' Garth answered, reminescing. Haha, good times. Italian chicks were hot.

[Holden Cartwright]

Garth’s sense of etiquette, it seemed, would never be refined, even with age. Holden knew his mom would probably kill him if he ever left an empty carton of milk in the fridge after drinking the entire thing, but Garth, being the guest and son the Cartwrights had apparently always wanted, would never be reprimanded for it. He always got off easy.

“Dude, I miss the girls in London. There was this one chick in Diagon Alley, a redhead, and d*mn, you should have seen her.” Unfortunately nothing had happened with her, and he couldn’t even remember her name, although he recalled having told her it was pretty or something. The name he did remember, though, belonged to a much different person, one whom he happened to have met at the same time. “And oh man, Heathen, he was…” Holden’s mouth snapped shut, his eyes widening as he realized his slip-up. Sh*t.

[Garth Corleone]

Garth burped loudly, not bothered at all that some might have considered it rude. Hey, it wasn't too bad in the Corleone household, why would he have had shame about it? Of course, his mamma would slap him around the back of the head when he burped at the table, but she did that to everyone, for anything, including not passing her the salt quickly enough for her taste. It was an Italian thing.

'No, Howie, the chicks in Italy,' he repeated, lost in his fantasy. Howie's words hadn't really registered in his mind just yet, so absorbed as he was by how fantastic Italy and its babes were.

'There was this one girl, not sure her name, Graziella, Giulia, or something... anyway... Whatever, man, you should have seen the rack on that girl, you wouldn't believe it. She had brown hair, I think, but that's not important. What's important is, after her, I almost didn't have any energy left to go back to the club, she was so crazy.'

Man, Italy.

[Holden Cartwright]

Apparently Garth was even more dense in the mornings than he was normally, and his complete oblivion to the implications of the comment about Heathen allowed Holden to breathe a momentary sigh of relief. He really needed to watch what he was saying a bit more carefully, or else Merlin only knew what other secrets would slip out. He set aside the ice cream, tossing his spoon in the general direction of the sink, and then picked up his cup of coffee, trying to look casual as the momentary spike in his adrenaline began to fade.

"Yeah, Italy was fun," Holden agreed with a nod. "I don't think I met anyone as interesting as that when we were there, though. Hell, I'm not even sure I even hooked up with any Italian girls." There had been several he'd flirted with, of course, but Holden hit on anyone and everyone that smiled at him, so that was hardly saying much. And there might have also been an attractive olive-skinned male - a model, judging from the few words that Holden had managed to understand in the guy's elegant Italian - that he'd made out with in the back of a dimly lit club. But no girls, unfortunately.

"We'll have to go back. I think I missed out."

[Garth Corleone]

Garth frowned at Howie. He'd not picked up any girl in Italy? How was that possible? No, it couldn't be! Impossible. Not with the vast, rich selection of girls there was everywhere. There wasn't a single square metre in Italy where there wasn't a hot girl! Or almost.

'Dude, what the Hell? You wasted your time!'

Garth couldn't believe his friend. How had that even happened? Was he a bad friend, for not having made sure his best friend had someone to spend the night with? Well, some things were outside his responsibility, really.

'Man, you suck, Howie,' Garth added after a minute's silence, taking a cookie from a jar.

[Holden Cartwright]

Holden shrugged and held up his hands as if to say 'I don't know what happened.' He could tell that it had been a major mistake to have mentioned to Garth that he hadn't slept around very much in Italy. If he had even taken half a second to think about it, he would have just said that he'd gotten a lot of action and left it at that. It wouldn't even have been a total lie; just a slight gender distinction.

"I can't remember, there might have been one or two," he was quick to rectify. "The time between England and Italy kind of runs together for me." He didn't even look at his friend as he spoke, staring instead out the window over the sink. He grinned faintly at Garth's reproach, but came up with nothing besides a noncommittal grunt.

[Garth Corleone]

Garth looked majorly relieved when Howie announced he'd been with one or two girls during the trip. Not entirely sufficient, but it wasn't the end of the world.

'Dude,' he laughed. 'You'd better, otherwise people might think you're gay or something.' And by people, Garth meant himself. Something was definetely wrong with any guy who didn't try to jump all the hot girls he saw. It was not normal.

[Holden Cartwright]

Holden grimaced, looking intently into his coffee as he muttered, "Yeah... wouldn't want that or anything..." What would Garth do, he wondered, if he told him the truth right then and there? Hit him? Hate him? Probably nothing good, at least. He looked up at his friend, trying to force a grin as he said, "Trust me, I hook up with plenty of girls."

[Garth Corleone]

'Yeah, I'd have to break your legs, or something. Male honour, and all,' Garth explained. He'd have started to explain about the Italian machism in his family, only the concept was hard to put words on. And it wasn't like Garth Corleone would be winning a rhetoric contest anytime soon.

'Those British girls really mostly just havr the accent going for them, though,' he reminesced out loud.

[Holden Cartwright]

“Would you really?” The question was out of Holden’s lips before he could think better of it, but for some reason, he just really didn’t care what he said anymore. He was starting to feel angry all of a sudden, and he couldn’t quite explain why. Something about the way Garth said “male honor” really pissed him off; it just sounded so much like Holden’s dad. All of the confusion and frustration that he had pent up for so long was starting to come to the surface, and with Holden’s next comment, he was fairly certain that he must be signing his own death warrant.

“Yeah, and so do the guys.”

Holden Cartwright: Deceased.

Cause of Death: Murdered by his best friend for liking boys.

[Garth Corleone]

'Dunno, man,' Garth shrugged. He hadn't thought about the subject. When had he ever had reason to think about that? That was a stupid topic of conversation.

He cracked his knuckles, thorougly confused by the subject.

'Dude, you what?'

Had he heard correctly? Wait, what?

[Holden Cartwright]

"I'm just sayin,'" Holden answered as steadily as he could manage, jumping down from the counter and setting aside his coffee cup. He wasn't going to try and take back what he said, or attempt to fix it now that it was out in the open, but he still couldn't bring himself to look at his best friend. "Some European guys..." He faltered there, certain that by now, Garth had to understand what he was getting at. When he turned around to face his friend, there was a look of challenge in his eyes.

[Garth Corleone]

It was easy for Garth Corleone to play dumb. He had it naturally.

Holden was thoroughly confusing, and the boy didn't know what his friend was getting at. Not at all.

'Yeah, they do what?'

Holden was acting so weird.

[Holden Cartwright]

Holden had honestly thought he was being pretty obvious about this, but apparently it was still too subtle for Garth to pick up on, which made him want to hit something. He just wanted all of this out and over with already. He gripped the counter behind him, replying, "They hook up with me, okay? European guys... get with me, sleep with me, they're hot as hell, how many more ways do you want me to say it?" If Garth still didn't get the point by now, something was seriously wrong. Holden couldn't be much more clear than that.

[Garth Corleone]

[ Click for OOC Comment ]

Roffling so much.

Garth was still waiting for Holden to say something and make sense of this all. But when Howie did open his mouth to say something, it didn't make any more sense. The Italo-American's jaw dropped, emitting a slight popping sound, and he looked at his friend, petrified in place.

Uh, what?

[Holden Cartwright]

The irritation from his quick outburst faded almost instantly into regret when Holden saw Garth’s expression. Maybe, just maybe, he had been a little too blunt about it. But really, when it came to Garth, there weren’t a whole lot of other options.

He looked steadfastly back at his best friend, waiting for whatever crap was about to come. But Garth just stood there, frozen with shock, and the suspense of not having him say anything at all was even worse. Merlin, couldn’t he just spit something out already?

“Yeah,” Holden muttered, simply to break the growing silence. “So…”

[Garth Corleone]

'So...' Garth echoed, not much really whirling around in his brain. It took a lot of time for him to patch up the pieces. Maybe he really was dumb like his family said. Didn't have a clue what was going on around him, so long as he was hooking up with girls.

Merlin, it didn't really make any more sense when the pieces were assembled.

'So... so you're a pussy?'

Garth wasn't familiar with this, not one bit. He wasn't sure what to think. He punched the living daylights out of anyone he thought was a pussy, and he wasn't even 100% sure what it meant. How did dudes sleep together, even? Ew, he didn't want to know. Anyway, what the hell was this all about?

'You sodding joking, man?'

That's it. It was a joke! To make Garth feel weird. Haha, Howie. Gotcha.

[Holden Cartwright]

"No, I'm not," Holden replied as steadily as he could, not completely certain which of Garth's questions he was answering. He and Garth had always made fun of those weird kids that seemed like poofs, regardless of whether they were actually gay or not. Sometimes they had even pushed them around, punched them, beaten them up.

Maybe Garth was going to do the same to him now. And some part of Holden thought that maybe he'd deserve it.

"Dude, I'm gay. That's... that's the truth."

[Garth Corleone]

Garth's mind was pretty much blown. He didn't have that big of a mind to blow, but this was some pretty serious news just there.

'Man, you're a pussy,' he sighed, running a hand through his mowhawk as at last the words seemed to enter his brain. He didn't know what to make of it. If this wasn't some sick joke... it was gross, was what it was.

'Why the hell would you be a pussy, man?'

[Holden Cartwright]

"Yeah, I guess, if that's what you want to call it," Holden admitted. Better just to own up to it now; that was how people saw it, how even he himself saw it, so why deny the truth? "It's not like..." He pushed himself away from the counter, crossing his arms in an almost defensive way across his chest. "It's not like it's a choice. It's just how I am. I dunno. Wired wrong or something, I guess." He shrugged, trying to be nonchalant even as he chewed at his lip, filled with doubt.

[Garth Corleone]

'For sod's sake, Howie, if you're wired wrong, go get fixed, or something,' Garth shot back, pretty much petrified in place, and clearly too stunned to think of any semi-witty comeback. He wasn't especially witty, or anything, and especially not now.

'Why d'you tell me this?' From the tone it was clear that what Garth meant was more along the lines of why the hell didn't you keep this to yourself rather than I'm so glad you mustered all your courage to tell me this.

'Jesus, Howie, this is not cool. This is not okay, what do you want me to say?'

[Holden Cartwright]

"It's not like they have doctors for this crap," Holden snapped, although he himself had hoped for that exact thing many times. "I'm stuck like this. It's not changing." Garth had to realize that if he could have fixed it, he would, and no one would be any the wiser. But that wasn't how it worked.

"'Cause... you're my best friend," Holden answered, although his tone made it clear that he was no longer too confident in that assumption. "I..." Had he been wrong to not keep it to himself? Should he have suffered through the lies, the dishonesty, the discomfort with pretending to be something he wasn't? He had thought this would be a weight off his chest, but maybe he had only made things worse.

Helplessly, Holde shrugged. "I dunno." It seemed idealistic now, but part of him had hoped that Garth would say that exact opposite. That it was all fine, that nothing had changed. "That you don't hate me, I guess."